It felt like three months of my life, if not an entire year, had been dumped down the drain – a sweeping of city streets into the gutter of my soul. “What a waste!”, I thought with bitter remorse. I was scrambling to clear out what I could not understand…and I was fighting the wrong fight.
Today, these words are hard to say: I am autistic. My world is a beautiful place, but I see it through swimming views of overwhelmed senses and terrifying memories of what man’s darkness can do. I survived only to find: I still had to tackle my own mind. Many hours spent grieving into invisible walls led me to this truth:
The struggle needed to become an embrace —
of a gift,
of a beautiful way,
of all I’d ever known anyway.
The raw truth is an incredible thing, when we find it. It eclipses our darkness, our shadows that we tuck away, and sets us free.
If life has brought you a myriad of challenges and unplanned-for things, just know: these unexpected ways are often what set us on a course for change; they can be our growing points — journeys into a better understanding of ourselves…and the world.
For me, the past was deep and full of lies — and there is so much that I wish I’d known ahead of time — but, if I changed even a moment, would I still be the same? I wonder. Who would any of us be without the good, the bad, the pain?
And in this, I leave:
May we turn the unexpected into building blocks of love and, in our searching, reach up toward the sky…and fly.
With hopes and dreams,